Truth be told, I almost forgot about our wedding anniversary. It was only when I was punching a new entry into my calendar on the phone did I realise that our 7th wedding anniversary was round the corner.
7 years. We are 3 years away from being together for 10 years. Officially, on paper, that is. I don’t exactly remember how long we dated for, to be honest. There was no real date that we got together officially as a couple. We do not celebrate ‘monthsaries’ or even our dating anniversary because honestly, we don’t remember.
I read an interesting blog entry about an imperfect husband and found myself smiling at certain bits because I could relate to it. Like how the boy does not celebrate Mother’s Day for me because (quote) “you’re not my mother” (unquote). I especially like this line that says:
“The fact of life is, when life overwhelms, we become careless, thoughtless, mindless.”
How very true.
When we were just us, it was easy to carve time out for ourselves. To go on dates. To watch movies. To dine with each other leisurely. To binge-watch HK dramas till our stomachs growl and we had to get out of the house to get some food (at 3.30pm on a weekend). As many parents will attest to, life takes a huge change when a child enters the picture. Each day become routine. Each day becomes a matter of completing one task before starting another – wash clothes – hang clothes – shower child – dress child – make milk for child – read to child – wash dishes – pack child’s school bag…you get the picture.
And sometimes, it does get overwhelming. Even boring, mundane. Day in, day out, on weekdays, we are going about our tasks like clockwork.
Also, according to the 5 Love Languages, I am pretty sure that we have different ones. I am taking a wild guess here but for the boy, I believe his Love Language is ‘Acts of Service‘ and ‘Quality Time‘. I just did the online test and this is my top 3 Love Language:
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality Time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly.
I know I speak for the both of us when I say that even though we know that couples need to have their “own time” and to go on “date nights”, we both want to spend our non-working hours with Elliott. We barely see him for a good part of the day. I find it almost mean to not hang out with him in the evenings.
This is where our “couple time” takes a backseat. A far far backseat.
Sometimes, it is easy to get disgruntled amidst the humdrum of daily life. It is easy to get frustrated with the boy when things are not “going the way” that I want it to. It is easy to lose my temper over seemingly “small” issues, like having a crazy-loud alarm ring out loud at 6.45am, shocking me awake.
Then I stop.
I stop and remember that the alarm goes off at 6.45 am because the boy wakes earlier to boil water for Elliott’s milk feed. He wakes earlier to change and take Moon for her morning walk and to feed her first meal of the day.
I also stop and appreciate that he helps out with housework, like ensuring that we have clean underwear by doing the laundry. He also takes care of Moon by ensuring that she gets her weekly shower on Sunday evenings. When the pile of dirty dishes get a bit too high, he helps by washing them.
I also stop and remember that he struggles on a crowded bus on weekday mornings and evenings to get to/from work, while Elliott and I take the car and get to school/work in comfort.
I also remember that at meal times, he orders food that Elliott can eat so that I get to eat what I really feel like having.
There are too many to list and sometimes, it is easy to forget so I’d like to make a note here that I appreciate them all.
Of course, he’s not perfect la. But neither am I. I am sure there is a whole laundry list of things that I do (or not do) that annoy him. But that’s marriage, isn’t it? To accept each other, warts, imperfections and all.
Happy 7th anniversary to us!
PS. Last year, we had a lovely dinner for 2. This year, we had to bring along a very happy and cannot sit still 电灯泡 to dinner.