Ever since our confinement nanny left, many have asked how do we cope with the twins, the toddler and the dog. Some have even remarked that I am “Supermum” or that I am “really awesome”.
Well, here’s the truth.
We have an amazing village behind us. Without this group of super beings, we would have keeled into a giant puddle of helplessness. I know of mothers/parents of multiples who do everything on their own. No helper, no family. I salute these super beings and think that they are very very capable. Personally, I am fully aware that without help, I will not be able to parent effectively. What the heck – even with help, I can barely function on some days. Call me a wuss or even weak, but that’s just how it works for us around here.
Our amazing village consists of my in-laws, my mum and our very capable helper. My MIL and my mum take turns during the week to come over to our home to help with the twins. Elliott is at full day childcare and my FIL drives him to and from school each day.
If you’re ever curious about a typical (week) day in our life, here it is. Do note that the timings are rough estimates. Some days are longer than others 🙂
6.30 am – Helper wakes, washes up and prepare to take over from me until my MIL or mum arrives to help with the twins. I’m usually brain dead by this time.
7.00 am – I try and pump milk if it’s too uncomfortable. If I’m feeling ok, I drag my pillow, bolster and exhausted self into the master bedroom to crash.
7.00 am to 11.00 am – While I am dead to the world, my MIL/mum, with our helper, will feed, burp, soothe, change and give the twins their morning bath. Helper will also take Moon for her morning walk, and feed her.
11.00 am – After 4 hours+ of sleep, I’m usually ready to function again as a human. I usually do another pumping session when I get up. The twins would have been showered and if it’s a good day, both will be napping. I will either have some breakfast or go straight to an early lunch. Helper prepares simple fare (fried rice, noodle soup, etc) or we simply da bao food from the nearby hawker centre.
12.00 pm – I take a shower so that I feel less icky. If you’re a breastfeeding mother, you’d know what I mean about smelling like stale milk all day errday. Washing my hair and face, and changing out of my pyjamas always makes me feel instantly better.
12.00 pm to 4.00 pm – It’s a constant cycle of feeding, changing, burping, soothing babies throughout the afternoon. Helper will go about her usual chores and it includes washing 10,000 pieces of baby clothes, swaddles, burp cloths, etc.
This is not counting the constant washing and sterilising of milk bottles (x2), breast pump parts, etc. There are also clean clothes to fold and put away into cupboards and diaper bins to empty. Because we have two babies, we go through A LOT of diapers and the bin fill up really quickly!
If you look carefully, both grandmas are carrying Edith. This is because she’s the one that needs to be entertained and rocked to sleep. Everett, on the other hand, is the unicorn baby. Unless he’s bothered by hunger/gassy tummy/dirty diaper/heat, he falls asleep on his own with the help of his pacifier. There’s no need to rock or carry him. I am just very thankful that at least one of them is an ‘easy’ baby!
5.30 pm – Helper starts dinner prep for the family, then takes Moon for her evening walk when the sun sets.
6.00 pm – Elliott returns from school. Mayhem ensues. FIL will stay on for a bit to cuddle the babies while we all take a bit of a breather. By this time, I’m usually feeling pretty exhausted.
7.00 pm – Dinner time for the family. We chase after Elliott to get him to PLEASE SIT DOWN AND EAT YOUR DINNER PLEASE. The husband is usually not home yet. On good days, he’s back at 7.30pm. On not so good days, it can be 9pm, or later. Helper takes her dinner, then gives Moon her dinner, and does the post-dinner wash up.
7.45 pm to 8.30 pm – The twins get wiped down with a damp warm towel and change into their pyjamas. We turn on the air conditioner in their room and keep a dim light on. They get a milk feed and once the room is cool and comfortable, we put them into their ‘Love to Dream’ swaddle bags and turn on a soft lullaby as a cue that it is time to sleep.
We try and repeat this wipe down – change pyjamas – put on swaddle – lullabye routine every evening as all baby literature out there says that babies love routines. With Elliott, we had absolutely no routine which made it very tough on us. With twins, we have to set down a routine or else we’d really collapse in exhaustion.
8.30 pm to 9.30 pm – Elliott is very good with playing on his own so this is the time he plays with his (million) toy cars, Lego, etc. Sometimes, he potters around with his sticker book and colouring books. We feel very thankful that he is pretty independent and does not insist that we accompany him to play.
At some point, we try to get him to shower and change into pyjamas. There is usually quite a bit of negotiation that goes on because TODDLERS. By this time, the husband gets home (hooray), takes a shower in 20 seconds and gobble down his dinner. My MIL/mum will usually take their leave once the husband gets home. I take my second shower of the day. Helper prepares Elliott’s school bag for the next day.
9.30 pm to 10.00 pm – We get Elliott to pack away his toys and I head to bed with him. We will usually read a book of his choice (or two) then it’s lights out. He loves to chat before we fall asleep and he’d tell me about his day or topic of the day (dinosaurs, his friends, etc) but on many nights, I manage about 10 minutes of conversation before my brain shuts down without warning (oops).
These days, he’d usually ask for Daddy to put him to bed and tells me to ‘go sleep with the babies‘ (sniff) but after a bit of explaining and cuddles, he’d be ok. The husband will take the first night shift until I take over later in the night. Helper goes to bed at 10pm after the last round of washing/sterilising to prepare for the (long) night ahead.
10.00 pm to 2.00 am – The husband is on his own with the babies. He will give them their milk feeds and try to sleep in between.
2.00 am to 6.30 am – Despite not setting an alarm, I will automatically wake at about 2am for the second night shift. I will usually do another pumping session before nudging the husband to go to bed in the master bedroom. I will then accompany the twins in their room until day break and the cycle repeats again.
Between 2 to 6.30 am, the twins do not usually wake to feed. I have tried feeding them but they’d usually be too sleepy to drink.
However, Edith is a very noisy sleeper. She grunts a lot (and loudly) in her sleep which means that I end up not sleeping much because I wake at every slight noise.
Everett’s magic hour is 5-6 am where he will fuss and cry frantically, jolting me awake. I used to think that he was hungry but he’d refused to drink. I’ve since found out that he’s usually got a full or very slightly soiled diaper and needs a change so I’d have to get up to do that.
For the 2-3 night feeds, we feed the twins with Karihome infant formula instead of warming up breastmilk because HUNGRY BABIES AT 2 AM WILL NOT WAIT FOR MILK TO BE WARMED UP. Once day breaks, it is back to breast milk. Currently, Edith drinks 4-5 oz (120-150 ml) while Everett is pretty consistent at 4 oz (120 ml).
If you are wondering why I do not direct latch the babies, I find it easier to express the milk and have someone else to feed them via a bottle. If they need a top-up or comfort feeding, I will then latch them directly.
This way, I do not feel like I am their sole food provider and it causes me less stress. Besides, as long as they are getting the goodness of breast milk, I am not too fussed about how they are getting it. I abide by the mantra that a happy mummy equates to happy babies.
So there you go, a typical week day in our life. Weekends are slightly different but we try to stick to the night routine for the twins. The saying “it takes a village to raise a child” – in our case, 3 children – definitely rings true in this household!
PS. For those wondering where I find the time to blog, let me share that most blog entries you see after the birth of the twins are done in stages and typed out on my phone. Sometimes, I write in the dead of the night (like, 3.30 am) when inspiration hits and for some odd reason, I can’t get to sleep. Essentially, I do not finish an entry in one seating. That’s pretty darn impossible.