the twins

So very close.

As the date draws near, people have been asking, “So how? Excited or not?” And my answer is always, “I feel prepared, yet not quite prepared“. Yes, prepared because we’ve done it before with Elliott. Not quite prepared because we will be handling two newborns at the same time and I honestly cannot imagine how much chaos that would bring.

I am also not sure if this is typical of second (and subsequent) pregnancies but somehow, I find myself having a rather – for lack of a better word – laidback attitude? With Elliott, I remember packing my hospital bag pretty early on but this time round, I took the bag out and it sat untouched collecting dust until one day, the boy asked, rather uncharacteristically, “You still don’t want to pack ah?!

So I finally got down to it. I’ve learnt from the first experience that you really don’t need to bring a lot of stuff as the hospital provides for it. Also, Singapore is really not too big. If I really do forget anything, I can get the boy to get it from home.

I was glad I did (somewhat) pack the hospital bag because on Friday early morning (2 June), I felt a consistent dull period-like cramp. It woke me up and I laid still in bed, willing it to go away. I kinda remember that contractions felt like that.

Uh oh.

When daylight broke, I quickly popped the anti-contraction pills and was in 2 minds about heading to KKH. The boy decided that I should go for peace of mind, and so we trooped to KKH.

Again.

I knew exactly where to go this time round, having been there just last month. This time round, I was ushered to the triage ward where the babies’ heartbeats were monitored. I was told to stay put for 45 minutes to an hour for monitoring so I told the boy to head to the office first since he had to work to do. No point hanging around anyway as he wasn’t allowed into the triage ward.

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I spent about an hour lying on my back which was really uncomfortable. Thankfully, with the anti-contraction meds that I took, the contractions were spaced far apart. The doctor came by to check on me and after looking at the graph result (above), declared that I was safe to return home to rest.

To be brutally honest, I was quite ready to give birth last Friday because it is getting really uncomfortable. I spend most of my time pottering around the house because even a short walk to the bathroom is exhausting. NO KIDDING. I’m also feeling ridiculously hot all the time. I take 3 cold showers a day but once I walk out of the bathroom, sweat trickles down my back. URGH. Doesn’t help that the weather’s been sweltering.

Also, the (literal) pressure of carrying 2 babies who have crossed the 2kg mark each is pretty intense. I feel like every part of my body is either aching or in pain. I am detailing all these so that when the twins are old enough, I can regale them with stories of how exhausting it was to carry them in-utero.

In case anyone’s wondering, we are doing an elective c-section for the twins’ birth. Elliott had a rather dramatic birth and personally, I am not big on birth plans because honestly, I’ve learnt through many life experiences that many a times, plans don’t go as…planned! Decided that doing an elective c-section means that everything is booked in advance and we go in prepared and ready.

Well, I use the phrase ‘prepared and ready’ very loosely here because I don’t think I’d ever be fully prepared/ready to be cut up again. And in case anyone forgets, a c-section is a pretty big operation. I’m not sure if it’s my hormones talking but despite all the happy, healthy births that we see on social media, things can, and do, go wrong at childbirth. Call me paranoid but until the babies are safe in my arms, I don’t think I’d be able to fully relax.

I distinctly remember the deep cut across my body after I birthed Elliott and the huge waterproof bandage placed over it. It’s funny how your brain retains such…memories. But if being cut up is what it takes to get the twins out safely and alive, I say we do it.

How a woman decides to give birth is very personal. Does using drugs (i.e. taking an epidural), having an elective c-section, not choosing a water/natural birth, etc, make you less of a mother? I think not. I do wonder why mothers who do not choose the drug-free, natural way (for whatever reason) is usually given a less-than-subtle judgmental vibe.

Pregnancy is generally hard on a woman’s body (except those glam mums who still look model-like on social media. Not talking about those) so let’s just be kind (and silent). Let mothers have their babies however they like and not give out “Huh? Not natural birth ah?” vibes or your 2.5 cents worth about which is “better”, unless your opinion is asked for.

Anyway, I’m digressing.

After the last gynae visit, it hit me that THE DAY is drawing really close because I was given the hospital admission letter, doctor’s letter, etc. On one hand, I’m looking forward to offloading meeting the babies but on the other, despite it not being our first baby, I am a tad apprehensive at the journey ahead of us.

Please send lots of luck!

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4 thoughts on “So very close.

  1. You’ll be fine, babe! I’m so excited for you! Yes, it’s not going to be easy, and tandem nursing is a lot more complicated than I thought it would be, but once you get the hang of it, you’ll be able to do it with both hands free (to type on your phone) and just chill. Have a safe and smooth delivery! You are all in my prayers.

  2. Hey Missene! Congrats on having twins! I can totally relate to the tiredness of carrying a heavy load- although i didnt have twins, my second born was 4.3kg. it was tough. But hang in there! And all the very best! Looking forward to meet the twins in this online space! 🙂

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