During our journey to have a child, I kept a private locked blog. In it, I wrote about my deepest fears, like how we may never have a child. I was randomly reading through some of the old entries and came upon this one written in 2012:
It felt a little surreal, like it was written by another person, in another life. That’s because as I was going through the old entries, I glanced to my left and there you were, lying between us in a deep slumber. It was, after all, 3am in the morning.
I couldn’t help but lean over to take in a deep whiff of your hair. I love to squish your cheek against mine and shower you with a million kisses. I laugh at your chubby thighs and tickle your tiny feet. I cannot stop looking at your ever-growing eyelashes.
What used to be my imagination is now real.
You are exactly 12-weeks old today. You stare intently at anything that catches your attention and life is no longer an endless cycle of milk-sleep-milk-sleep. You enjoy staring at your crib mobile as it goes round and round, making little baby noises at it. You round your tiny right hand into a fist and hold it in front of your face, as if it is a new toy you recently discovered. You no longer wear mittens because you are discovering your hands.
Your favourite song is The Cuppycake Song. Oh how you adore it! You smile, coo and gurgle whenever I sing it to you. Sometimes, you try and sing along. It makes my heart soar whenever you flash us one of your grins and your eyes crinkle. I tried singing a couple of other songs but no, you only like The Cuppycake Song. I have sung/hummed the song so often, it is now permanently stuck in my head.
The past 2 weeks hasn’t been easy though. You were diagnosed with acid reflux and to watch you struggle to cough till you’re red in the face breaks my heart so. You cried so hard, you made me cry too. There was nothing I could do except to try and make you feel comfortable. Two visits to the PD later, you are slowly on the mend and there is really nothing I wish but for you to feel better soon.
You are also sleeping longer through the night, thankfully. You get your last feed at around midnight before waking up 4-5 hours later. Keep at it, my child but I am also well aware that babies are unpredictable little things. I am pretty sure I have just jinxed it by writing about it and you’d go through a growth spurt again which means 2-hour nightly feeds.
But hey, it’s ok. We wanted a child and you are now here. These feeds, although tiring, are nothing compared to our years of yearning for you.
Happy 3 months, my sweetie pie. (Or my sweaty pie, on very hot days.)
With much love,