me myself and i · thoughts · us

The oven without the bun

One of my favourite bloggers-turned-friend Yi Lin and I were chatting on Whatsapp earlier today and she asked if I encountered the dreaded CNY question of when are we having a little one.

To be honest, I’m quite the pro at blocking out such questions from pesky relatives and friends (most whom I see like, once a year). I usually smile and mumble some sort of random gibberish and continue to smile. I decided that would be a better option that shooting back with something smarty-pants like “I had my tubes tied” or “I don’t think it’s any of your goddamn business”. Well, one did go as far as tapping my tummy (!) and giving me a knowing look and another few shouted “早生贵子” (literally, give birth to a son soon) a tad too loudly in our faces during the lo hei sessions but really, nothing can faze me anymore because I was expecting the question anyway.

Besides, the questioning never stops, do they? When I took a wee bit longer than usual to get married (i.e. already waaaay past the ‘normal’ marrying age), I constantly had that ‘when are you getting married?” question. Some were a tad more subtle and asked when they could stop giving me ang baos. Now that we’re married, the questioning has naturally switched to the one about having a bun in the oven.

Unfortunately, as I’ve mentioned in this entry a while ago, getting the bun in the oven isn’t as easy as it seems. So far, as some of you would have already known, there hasn’t been any buns in the oven. Heck, there isn’t even any dough/flour to begin with. In fact, I’m started to suspect if the oven’s even functioning properly. Ok, actually, there’s nothing wrong with the oven. I’ve done all the checks and all is fine and dandy, apparently. Or as the boy puts it very succintly: 一个屁也没有. That literally translates as ‘one s*** also don’t have’.

Gotta love the boy for saying the truth like it is!

I’ve always believed in the saying that ‘things happen for a reason’ but sometimes, I find it a little hard to hold onto that belief. It’s like a little scab after a fall – you really shouldn’t go and pick at it but it feels so good doing so that you don’t think of the consequences (i.e. it will bleed again!) and continue to pick at it. The more I tell myself not to obsess think about it, the more I’d do so. You know, I really admire people who have tried for 5, 10 years and are still at it – HOW DO THEY DO IT WITHOUT GOING MAD???!!!!

Also, if we all calm down and think about it, we just got married in May 2009. It is now February 2011. We have only been married for about a year and nine months? Give chance lah…. On hindsight, maybe we should have just done the Hollywood thing and got the bun in the oven before the ring got on the finger, yes?

As such, to stop myself from turning into a psychotic b****, the boy and I have decided that we’d stop this hardcore bun-making business for a while. It’s time to just kick back, relax and be ourselves for a bit. You know, like count all the other little blessings in our lives instead of constantly focussing on what-it-could-have-been?

It has been a while…


20 thoughts on “The oven without the bun

  1. I loved your witty and candid post. It’s the reason why reunions are so dreaded for most of us. I think in Singapore we are all just too stressed and overworked for anything else…don’t you agree? If the government wants more babies they should look into working conditions and the financial aspects of it first.

    1. I don’t actually mind the CNY period because I do enjoy the festivities. I just really hate dealing with pesky relatives/acquaintances that I see once a year who see the need to poke their nose into other people’s business. Maybe that’s because they don’t know what to say/ask and that’s like a typical question. Similar to questions like ‘wah! you lost/put on weight ah?’ which in my opinion, is darn rude as well.

  2. I think it is a great idea to sit back and relax for abit. You know, sometimes, when you let go of all the stress in baby making, it might just happen. Quite a number of people conceived when they just stop trying. Whatever it is, enjoy the time off and baby dust to you nontheless 🙂

    1. Yes, that’s what a lot of people tell me. Besides, I think we’ve tried long and hard enough so yes, time to get back a proper life. Heh. Thanks for the baby dust!

  3. Hey babe, remember the model answer to all irritating questions is “tomorrow”. Otherwise, the little prayer you blogged about in your last post would probably come in handy.

    I know it’s easier said than done to relax and take it easy, but even the best bakers’ ovens will malfunction if they’re kept going all the time. I kinda think of trying to conceive like school – you have to work hard and put in effort (well, unless you gifted in the education and reproduction depts) in order to get results. But you also have to enjoy your vacation breaks to remain sane. And once those breaks are over, you pick yourself up and try again to get your goal. Some people need to spend a little more time and money to get help in the form of tuition in order to get the same results as everybody else. And there’s nothing wrong with that. In fact, that was probably the only way I could have achieved results in Chinese, Maths and Conception. And I’m thankful that at least I had family support and financial means to do so. Because some people don’t – and these are the ones that have to try and try again on their own until they get the results they want – or not. Take heart.

    A sidenote to bookjunkie: what the government wants or wants to give in return for babies is completely irrelevant here. Starting a family is a personal effort to fulfil a personal desire (together with one’s spouse, of course) – government policies are not a key consideration here.

    1. Thanks for that model answer tip – shall commit it to memory! And you’re right – I should take heart that I have family support and a most lovely partner. As for government and babies, I have to agree with you. It’s a nice bonus if we get some money out of having a child (woohoo! money-making machine!) but if not, that’s ok too.

  4. Yet another witty and heartfelt post! Contrary, I was not prepared for the blast of “when your little one coming” questions for my first CNY as married couple. It was really scary!
    Thank you for your lovely post. You have no idea how much comfort it brings to know that I am not alone (among very fertile friends) in this journey.
    Kudos for making the decision to take the backseat and just enjoy couplehood for now. Good luck babe! 🙂

    1. Thanks Lin! Haha, I see that you were at the receiving end of that dreaded question too huh? The bad news is, it’s just going to be like that every year from now on! RAH!

  5. Nice one!

    Perhaps you could try tracking your periods and locating a fertile period? 😛 I’ve tried this iPhone app – and apparently we tried on a “fertile day” and it worked… 🙂

  6. Such a lovely post!

    I vote for kicking back and relaxing too. Our family is really not in dire need to have a little one screaming around the house, yet. It’ll happen when it does I’m sure. You’ve got loads more time in future to be slaving over little mini-mes. 🙂

    xoxo Love ya!!

  7. I know exactly how this feels…

    Take heart and chill. Throw out all the anxiety and it may just come when you least expect it.

  8. I just caught up with your posts and thanks for sharing this. I can relate to what you are going through and after 4 years of marriage and no bun in the oven as well, we started to dread these festivities.

    The man has come up with the perfect rebuttal (which I think is rather rude)-‘If you matter, we will let you know’. While the one liner that I use to get out of most occassions is ‘My therapist told me not to talk about it.’ Haha, such a simple line but holds many meanings.

    So, hang in there. I believe the time will come eventually for you both. But in the meantime, enjoy the time that you have with your man doing fun and crazy things! 🙂

  9. this could be a little late but i just chanced upon your blog! i have to say this, that it is really not easy trying while fending off what ppl have to say at the same time…

    i feel the more ppl tell me not to think about it, the more so i will… even have friends who asked me before “you not trying hard enough ah” seriously, who are they to define what is “hard enough”

    i got so upset one day i just told my friends, the more they ask me not to think, the more i will think about it.. how not to when im facing my own body 24/7. even the husband wont understand the pain as much as i will…

    hang in there… you are not alone…

    1. Hi yingz, thanks for leaving a comment. It’s nice to know who’s reading this blog 🙂 I just went to your blog and really like the entry titled “Wait”. So apt. And I want to also say that you are not alone so hang in there!

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