me myself and i · thoughts · us

The journey so far

I blogged about this site a couple of months ago – the Maybe Baby website. In particular, I follow the blog entries of Yi Lin and Dan who are a couple trying for a baby. Since then, Yi Lin has undergone her first IVF process which unfortunately, resulted in a negative result.

Some of you may understand the reason for a recent blog entry titled ‘Keeping Faith’, some of you don’t. I have toyed with the idea of ‘to-blog-or-not-blog?’ because although I do not have tens of thousands of readers to this blog, I do know that there are quite a few readers who don’t know me personally. As such, I was in two minds about whether or not I should bring this out into the open. After reading Yi Lin’s latest blog entry (“Dear God”) where she credited me at the end for my ‘inputs’ into her very hilarious yet heartfelt entry (read this!), I decided I’d write about it after all.

So here goes.

The boy and I have been married for one year-ish. To be very precise, one year and five month. We both love children and would like to start a family soon. However, after months of trying, nothing much is happening on the baby front. This is not helped by the fact that we get people asking us left right centre the dreaded question: “So how? Trying for a baby or not?”

In the beginning, we just laughed it off and said “Yes, but we’re letting nature take its course”. Sometimes, I say: “I’d pop round to NTUC to buy one later”. This is usually met with awkward expressions but hey, who’s the one who asked me an awkward question first? Now, I’d just skirt the question altogether and talk about the weather or the brown tiles on the wall.

How do you tell people in the face that yes, we are trying but we haven’t been very successful?
How do you tell people that yes, we’d love to be pregnant right now but nothing’s happening?
How do you tell the truth and avoid the ‘oh-you-poor-thing, why like that?’ glances?

Unless you’ve been in a similar scenario, it will be hard to understand why it is so difficult to answer a seemingly simple question. Or why is it so hard to get pregnant? Or why is it anyone’s business whether or not we have a child?

The thing is, I can’t help but feel like we have sat for a major exam where everyone else has passed (with flying colours) while we have failed despite studying very very hard for it and are left behind in the repeat class. Everyone around me are popping babies like it’s the next big thing since the invention of air-conditioning (been mad hot lately, hence the reference). The ironic thing is, some of these mothers-to-be did not even plan for the baby but before you can say “family planning”, they get pregnant. Open the papers and you see news like how teenage pregnancy is on the rise.

THE WHOLE WORLD’S PREGNANT! Ok, not *everyone* but you get my drift.

It also doesn’t help when you see friends putting up cute pictures of their newborns every 2.5 seconds. Don’t get me wrong – I’m totally and genuinely happy for them but what I don’t get are the parents who start entire albums chronicling the offsprings every movement, expression, etc or those whose Facebook status is ALL. ABOUT. THEIR. OFFSPRING. I’m talking, every. single. status. update. “Oooh, Baby X just pooped! Oooh, Baby X just stood up without help! Oooh, Baby X just sat up unassisted! Ooh, Baby X is soooo cute!”

Overkill, yes?

And on more than one occasion, I’ve had these friends-turned-mothers tell me in a “I know better because I am a parent now” tone that “you will understand when you have your own kid”. They proceed to roll their eyes (subtly, but I see it) with their fellow mothers at this childless woman who doesn’t ‘get it’. There are even status that say: My left breast is swollen and it hurts from breastfeeding. Help.

Did we really need to know that? Is that waaaaaaay too much information or am I just being a prude?

(On a side note, I think breastfeeding rocks and all mothers who do it are awesome. Just thought I’d clear that up before I get angry breastfeeding mothers leaving comments in this entry lambasting me for not being a breastfeeding supporter).

I’ve told the BFF that if I ever turn into one of those moms that talk about their offspring endlessly, please shoot me in between my eyes. Twice.

Anyway, where was I? Yes, why I’m blogging about the journey.

Another reason for blogging is because I like to think that many couples out there are facing a similar situation but no one ever talks about it. NEVER. Perhaps it’s an Asian thing where you keep such news hush-hush because of face value. Because to admit that you are having problems conceiving is like saying that you have FAILED. And we all know how Singaporeans take to the word FAILURE. Like bees to honey.

Not.

During my conversations with Yi Lin, she shared that there were loads of ladies at KKH when she was there for IVF. It was akin to a supermarket where everyone was going in and out to sort out their fertility issues. So my question is, how come NO ONE talks about it?!

[As I’m blogging, ‘Giliana & Bill’ are on the tv and they’ve also been trying to conceive. It’s lovely to know you’re not alone.]

In the past, when I was a little girl, you’d think that things happen like clockwork. You date a bit, marry the nicest boy, then the babies come.In the real world, things don’t always happen this way. Sometimes, you’d have to work a little harder, wait a little longer and keep a little faith.

Like me and Yi Lin. And many other couples out there who are not talking about it.Β The truth is, it is more common than we think it is. Just because no one talks about it doesn’t mean that it’s not happening.

So what next, I hear you ask. We are going to continue in our quest to become parents because as the boy wrote on our little board on the fridge:

We would just appreciate it if pesky relatives and acquaintances people leave us alone while we are at it because really, we are already trying our best. I guess we’d just have to work a little harder on the ‘praying’ bit. It also helps that no matter what happens, the boy will still be the same sweet and lovely boy. Besides, I’m a great believer in the saying that ‘things happen for a reason’ so if nothing ever happens, so be it. It’s not the end of the world.

We’d just get a dog.

πŸ™‚

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16 thoughts on “The journey so far

  1. I know how anxious and eager it can be for newly-wed and especially when you are trying for your first. I read it somewhere in an article that first time tryers takes about 6 months the least to fall pregnant. But anyways even so, these days, medical intervention is so way forward that there are alot of help out there such as i.e IVF, IUI etc. One of my very close Oz friend tried for 14 months, failing each time. She was really desperate for a child as she’s 36. She was against IVF (religious)but in the end gave in because she wanted a baby very much. Her first try at IVF was unsuccessful which didn’t help and she wanted to give up alogether. The many times i seen her tearing and confiding to me was really heartbreaking but i always tell her not to give up hope. Then on her second try and this was just three months back, she emailed me and said she is pregnant! Shes now 5 months into it and expecting a boy. Sorry for a long commentary but what i’m trying to say is, heck what other people thinks. If you take longer than others then so be it. What matters most now is that you know you have a very understanding and loving husband who supports you through the journey. :o) *hugs*

  2. I can relate to your entry because i myself would love to have kids someday too and i understand how frustrating it might be for you at the moment.

    You’re absolutely right about the Asian thing on face value and how Singaporeans take to failure. Unfortunately that’s the way our society functions and as much as we try to live our lives the way we want to, there will always be uncalled for comments from older folks and acquaintances, but try not to let them get you down.

    Like what you said in your previous entry, keep the faith and for now, continue to enjoy your marriage and the freedom to travel. Good things are worth waiting for πŸ™‚

  3. Hey! Have faith! It is in God’s time to provide His BEST gift to you! πŸ™‚

    Having a dog is not a bad idea, otherwise adopt a child! I think it is a blessing and the next most beautiful thing! I know of couple who never give up, adopted a child but still never give up, and God gave her the best gift in life. πŸ™‚

    Keep smiling!

  4. Good entry πŸ™‚

    You know, I kinda found myself appreciating the fact that we don’t have kids yet last Saturday. It was so hot and humid that we just holed ourselves up in the air-con room and slept from 2pm to 8pm. Woke up in the middle to share a pint of ice-cream in bed and fell back asleep. Not something you can do when you have kids. I know many parent-friends who would be envious of our weekend. I actually felt rather lucky.

    As for the dog, I hope you get one anyway. I think I would opt for a cat. Dan doesn’t like how the dogs in the neighbourhood protest at his singing and try to drown him out with their combined barking.

  5. Hey miss ene,

    Don’t lose heart. You’ll have one, in God’s time. (: I do understand about the relatives part. Its as though every single thing that you say or do, will somehow lead to the question of ” Are you pregnant?” ” How? Aiyo, hurry have one soon.” They sound as though, having a baby is as easy as going to the market to buy a chicken.

    Anyways, take a short trip out with the hubs, whenever you can, take the ” trying for a baby” momentum out of your mind for a little while. Miracles do happen at times when you least expect it. (:

  6. hey babe.. keep the faith.. all things happen for a reason. at least you’re almost there (u have a loving husband and u guys are trying!) erm unlike me, want family also tan gu gu hahahha…so many more steps removed! but u know what i mean, not trying to make light of the situation but many who are worse off.. πŸ™‚

  7. So we’ve spoken about this enough times, and I really think it’s great that you are writing about it. I choose to interpret the boy’s words as success is on the way! Meantime, many of us are keeping faith with you.

  8. OMG, I totally concur with EVERY.SINGLE.WORD in this post. I have been contemplating about blogging on this topic since I started chasing Giuliana & Bill in Dec. I find it so refreshing and comforting to hear them talk about their struggle so openly.
    Babe, hang in there and keep the faith. πŸ™‚

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