A friend on Facebook posted this and I just had to blog about it. Goes from #10 to #1:
10. The Old Classmate Whom You’ve Never Spoken To
He or she was your primary school classmate who sits at the other end of the classroom and never spoke more than four sentences to you the entire year.
This friend added you because you were tagged to another friend-of-a-friend’s photo. After some initial chatter about a ‘reunion’ you’ve never spoken in the last half a year since.
9. The No-updater
This friend had been on your Facebook list for more than a year and a half now, and you’ve never seen him or her update the page more than three or four times during the entire period.
Other than a generic profile picture, or – gasp – none at all, there are only a few other lines of similarly boring bits of information about this friend, like schools or workplace.
He or she never replies to wall posts, and never posts a message either. If you aren’t using Facebook, then why are you on Facebook in the first place, Friend?
8. The Health Freak
Most likely a female, she counts every calorie she eats, and bemoans that life is going downhill the moment she couldn’t resist temptation and swallowed a single M&M.
She also believes in reading her own heath by studying what she poops, and posts all that information on her Facebook status on a daily basis.
Worse, she keeps sending messages telling everyone that almost everything you eat is bad for your health, and that you’ll likely get cancer the moment you touch those Mars Bars.
While we all know that not everything we eat is good for us, we don’t exactly need a constant reminder about that, thank you very much. And urgh, keep those poo analysis results to yourself. We don’t need to know.
7. The New Parents
They’ve already uploaded 362 pictures of their newborn and are taking pictures every time the kid cries, coos, sleeps or gets changed – which really means all the time.
Worse, they start posting status updates of what their little tyke is doing every minute of the day, including those activities described above. Then they start using their baby’s photo as their profile picture.
Unless you’re really enthusiastic about babies or want to engage in a baby status war using your own kid’s pictures and status updates, this is someone you can skip.
Most of us aren’t interested to know how fantastic your baby is and how unique the kid is – a few updates are okay, but when it’s happening all the time, delete.
6. The 25-year-old Teenagers
These are the ones who flood their Facebook pages with every application possible, and fill in their entire profile page with glittery text.
Every other picture uploaded is of them trying on new clothes in some shopping centre dressing room, copying the latest Miley Cyrus style.
While they are certainly quite harmless, gaudy profiles and bimbo-esque updates aren’t going to make the best impression of your social circle to others. Heed this warning especially if you have work or business contacts on Facebook.
5. The Overly Emos
We all understand that is’ perfectly all right to post one of those “This is the most stressful day of my life!” status messages once in a while.
But if every message this friend posts are of the same nature, you’re looking at an overly emo, probably permanently unhappy person.
Life is hard as it is and we’re not exactly too very eager to be reminded that it is a drag or that the world is going to end.
4. The Bragger
Likely and ex-university classmate, he or she had quite a bit of success and is now living it up. That’s good, until said friend wants to tell everyone about his or her achievements.
When you see status messages like “Just got another 6-month bonus! Woot!” or “What car should I buy with this huge commission I just got? I don’t have a budget because I’ve got enough to pay for a house – in cash!”, you know your friend had crossed the line.
You know what, Friend? We might reply with a congratulatory message or one of envy the first few times or so, but everyone’s going to get tired of your bragging once this goes on for too long. Then you need to know that in actual fact, your Facebook friends don’t really care.
3. The Spammer
Your friend “just invited you to challenge him or her in Bejeweled!”. Your friend “is looking for part 8 of the Secret Map of Doom, do you have one?”. Your friend is “asking you to join his or her clan in Mafia Wars!”.
When we aren’t playing games on Facebookl we have a reason. It’s either
[a] we’re too busy working (not like you, slacker!); or
[b] our bosses are looking over our shoulders (of which at this point in time we’re in deep trouble); or
[c] we’re simply not interested.
If we’re not taking up your offers to join you in your latest Facebook game quest after multiple invitations, it’s more than obvious that we’re not interested in playing.
And if you keep sending these invitations, they will be considered spam.
2. The Stalker
The Digital age is all about instant communication though online interaction, and these friends are exactly that – except for the fact that they’re a little too extreme.
Messages will usually start with “Hey how are you doing?” and should you be foolish enough to reply, a barrage of notes will follow.
“Hey, want to meet sometime?”
“What are you up to lately?”
“Seen that latest movie? Haha, I like it, do you?”
“Hey why aren’t you answering me?”
“Haven’t heard from you since 2 days ago, hey answer me!”
While we all enjoy being connected to our friends on Facebook, these people are part of the rare sub-species of humans who don’t understand the meaning or have a need for alone time.
1. The Ex
You got dumped few months ago, and now he or she is apparently having the time of her life.
The Ex is very happy with new-found love, or has found a new bunch of suitors and is posting updates about ever romantic date of hot encounter on Facebook.
Worse, there are plenty of pictures to accompany the status updates, and you can’t help but flip through the photo galleries and stare at what was once yours.
Delete. And move on already.
How many of these do you have in YOUR friend’s list? 😉