elliott · the twins · thoughts

Mother’s Day

It’s past midnight so technically, Mother’s Day is over but who says we can’t celebrate it on any other given day? It has been a hectic day of errands and since I’m wide awake (3rd tri insomnia yo) and the boys are in deep sleep, it is the best time to think and reflect..

This photo reminds me that it is my last Mother’s Day with the one who made me a mother and from next year on, I’d be a mother to 3. THREE KIDS. That still boggles my mind, to be honest. Are we excited? Yeah kind of. Are we scared shitless? Pretty much so. At least I am.

I’m not sure how or why the Universe chose us to be parents to twins and this amazingly sweet boy right here but it did, so we will count our blessings and hold on tight for the ride.

And if you yearn to be a mother one day (just like I did years ago) but it’s not happening yet, I want you to know that you are in my thoughts today. ❤️

Happy Mother’s Day.

Also, I don’t say this enough but here’s a special shout-out to my mum who, until today, always puts us before herself and is always there whenever we need her. I am also thankful for my mother-in-law who is always ready to babysit Elliott at the drop of a hat. We are blessed to have a village behind us.

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elliott says · funnies

Elliott says – 4

We co-sleep with Elliott and usually after we turn off the lights, we’d still chat in the dark for a bit. 

Me: I love you, Elliott.

Elliott: I love you mummy! 

Me: How much do u love mummy? (I expected him to stretch out his arms wide to say “this much!”, just like the book “Guess how much I love you”)

Instead, without missing a heartbeat, he exclaimed: 

“$2!”

After I recovered from giggling, I quipped: Mummy loves you….$10! 

funnies · the journey · the twins · thoughts

The 5-letter word called sleep.

After sharing our news on social media, we have been overwhelmed with loads of kinds words and congratulatory messages. miss ene and the boy would like to say a big thank you to all of you who have shown nothing but grace and kindness towards our parenting journey.

It is nice to finally talk about the pregnancy openly on this blog! First up, let’s talk about sleep. Or rather, the lack of it. Many have reminded me to ‘sleep as much as you can before the babies come’ which comes from a good place because yes, I am fully aware that when newborns (TWO THIS TIME!) arrive, sleep goes out of the window very quickly.

However, sleep has not come easy to me, especially in this last trimester. Let me count the 5 ways:

Reason #1 – the need to pee

I need to pee. Many many times. New mothers gush and tell me to relish pregnancy because you’d miss the kicks and movements but all I remember from pregnancy (with Elliott) is the need to pee CONSTANTLY. And of course, that’s happening now with the twins.

I’d get into a comfortable position to sleep and when I almost doze off, I’d need to pee NOW NOW NOW. Forget about trying to ignore it because it cannot be ignored. You just need to get right up and head to the toilet.

And when I say “get right up”, I don’t mean bouncing out of bed (I wish). I am talking about moving from horizontal to vertical like an overweight sloth (i.e. very very slowly) while using one hand to support myself so that I don’t fall over from the giant belly. I then shuffle slowly and carefully to the bathroom to pee about 5 drops (8 if I’m lucky) before shuffling back to bed to try and get comfortable again. Repeat process x 10,572 times a night.

Reason #2 – Baby, it’s hot

I do vaguely remember feeling hot when I was pregnant with Elliott but this time round, perhaps due to the fact that there’s two baking inside, this heat thing is real. And please, I’m not talking sexy hot. I’m talking sweat dripping down your back, face, and everywhere, and looking like I just ran a half-marathon in 35 degrees heat with a wool pullover, complete with sweat-soaked messy hair.

We usually sleep in an air-conditioned room but these days, even in the 23 degrees celcius room with the ceiling fan turned on, I CAN’T SLEEP BECAUSE I AM FEELING VERY HOT. The boy, who is usually the one who hates the heat, ends up cowering under the duvet because the room is so darn cold (to him). Me? I’ve kicked off the duvet and trying to sleep while beads of sweat trickle down my forehead. Or I’d fall asleep finally but wake up to a sweaty head because yep, I’m feeling hot.

Reason #3 – My (almost) broken ribs

This is something I don’t remember from Elliott’s days. I honestly don’t remember my poor ribs being shoved, prodded, pushed and punched when I was pregnant with him. Either that or I have mumnesia. I have, on many occassions, been rudely jolted awake by intense pain in my ribs. It started with my right ribs which I thought were due to the fact that Twin B’s legs are right there. However, these days, my left ribs hurt as well, probably from Twin A’s legs as apparently, both of them are head-down.

So imagine this: You have 4 legs kicking and pushing against your ribs at odd hours of the night, like someone sucker-punched you when you weren’t looking. I’ve never bruised my ribs before (I don’t get into fights, thank you very much) so at first, I wasn’t sure if it was just my imagination that my ribs were hurting.

On some nights, I thought I was dreaming about the pain and wake up with a shock but I have concluded that the pain is very very real. I literally wake up going “owwww” and have to soothe the aching ribs by massaging them. How to sleep like that?

Reason #4 – Internal kungfu fighting

Assuming all of the above 3 reasons do not exist, there are the internal “fights” that go on inside of my belly. Ok, I’m not sure if the twins are fighting per se but I’m pretty sure with each passing day, space is becoming a precious commodity and they are fighting for space to move.

Twin A (the girl) is the more active of the two – surprise, surprise. So much for girls being “easier”, “more docile” and “gentle”. She is the one with the kungfu fly kicks and somersaults. Even at scans, she moves a lot. We saw her shake her head (!) and let out a huge lazy yawn, like it is such blardy hard work being a baby in-utero. Twin B moves less. So much lesser than I find myself going into Google-mad mode and asking on forums if this is normal and if I should press the panic button and see the gynae NOW NOW NOW.

Yes, it is wonderful to feel their kicks and moves (isn’t that the beauty of pregnancy, everyone asks) but when both of them kick up a storm or engage in an in-utero fist-fight at 3am, I get shocked awake. At last week’s check, they were 1.6 kg each so when they move or get excited, their movements are pretty darn acute.

Reason #5 – One very giant belly

I’ve been getting loads of “your belly is very small for twins leh” comments. To that, I punch them in the head mentally smile and say it’s really heavy for me already. I have a rather small frame so carrying twins feel like quite a load for me. My gynae has never said that the twins are small or not growing well. In fact, she has said that she is very pleased at my weight gain and progress so far.

At the moment, this “small belly” that everyone talks about is getting really hard to heave around. I get breathless just walking for short distances. Getting from a sitting position to a standing one just to get a drink of water from the kitchen takes a mammoth effort. I get achy if I sit/stand/lie for too long.

This translates to bad sleep or a complete lack of sleep at night. There is no comfortable position. Experts say we should lie on the left side for better blood flow but Twin A is there and she kicks up a storm when I do that. So I spend a considerably amount of effort turning from left to right. I manage to settle into a comfortable position on my right and then I’d…need to pee.

I get back to bed and lie facing-up but have to prop both legs into an inverted v-shaped position because lying flat kills my lower back. Sometimes, this is the ‘jackpot’ position and I finally fall asleep.

On other bad nights, I get a stuffy nose from pregnancy rhinitis which is another blog entry for another day. I’d then have to grab the other pillow from the boy and prop my head up to try and sleep. Sometimes, this helps as it clears my nose but I’ve woken up a few times with a ‘dead’ arm and a stiff neck because of the awkward position the extra pillow puts my upper body in.

There you go. 5 reasons why sleep is pretty elusive in my world right now.

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elliott · funnies

Elliott Says – 3

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Elliott came to me holding this. He pointed to the circled building and asked:

E: Mummy, is this the dentist?
Me: I don’t think so. It looks like a school.
E: A school?
Me: Yes, a school. Just like your school.
E: (without missing a beat) No, this is not my school. There is no carpark.

The things he says these days amazes me sometimes! It also reminds me that he’s no longer a baby and is growing into a little person. Sniff.

the journey · thoughts · us

Something’s brewing.

When Elliott turned 2 years old, the perennial question of “So when is number 2?” intensified. In fact, the moment he was almost a year old, this question was thrown at us whenever we met up with friends, family, etc. Don’t wait too long, they’d say. Good to have siblings, they’d quip. I always wanted to punch their faces smiled and just mumbled something incoherently, something along the lines of how Elliott is already a lot of work so siblings can wait.

Like I wrote about it here, my heart always broke a little whenever I get that question because if you have been following this blog, you will know that Elliott is our tiny miracle (ok, not so tiny now but still miracle). Dare we hope for….a second child?

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Last year, I turned 40. It was like the big four-zero. The boy and I got married late (I was 33) and we spent a good 4 years trying to get that bun in the oven. There was no big surprise party or huge fanfare when I turned 40. I honestly cannot remember what we did. But the fact is, I am now 40 years old. If – and that is a big fat if – we were to consider a sibling for Elliott, this would almost be the ‘last’ year before it gets a bit too late. I know there are tons of older mothers out there, think Fann Wong, Janet Jackson, blah blah blah. But realistically speaking, I cannot imagine having a child at 45 years old (or later). Even running after Elliott now takes the wind out of me most of the time and I cannot imagine having to care for a newborn as I get older.

So the boy and I sat down to seriously consider this sibling business. Basically, it was now or never. As he aptly puts, if we are successful, Elliott gets a sibling. Hooray! And if we fail, it is ok as well because we already have Elliott. In other words, it wouldn’t be as ‘stressful’ as trying to get a bun in the oven now as compared to the first time when odds were a lot higher. It was with a bit of trepidation, a bagful of hope and slight fear (of failure yet again) that we started on the journey for our second child.

And in October 2016, we found ourselves pregnant.

As usual, the early weeks were nerve-wrecking as we weren’t sure if the pregnancy was going to be viable. Call me paranoid but after trying for so many years, it is hard to relax and be joyful when we find ourselves pregnant. In fact, we were slightly jittery and only shared the news with our closest family and friends.

But nothing quite prepared us for the news at the week 7 scan. This was the scan to see the heartbeat and as always, I had my heart in my mouth. What happened at the scan threw us all slightly off-course.

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Instead of 1 heartbeat, we saw….2. There were two teeny tiny heartbeats. We were having…twins? I was floored. I was happy to have one strong heartbeat and there it was, two heartbeats thumping away. The boy seemed very cool at the news and until today, I am not quite sure how he felt at that moment of truth because you know, men. Strong and silent types.

Except for the first trimester when I was hungry every 3 seconds (no kidding) and was nauseous all the freakin’ time, it has been smooth-sailing. And for that, we will always be thankful. Being pregnant with twins come with its fair share of complications and I am always reminded to take it easy. I am also blessed with a very understanding reporting officer and boss who tells me that the pregnancy takes precedence over work and to rest as much as I can.

Did I mention that my dad is part of a twin? He and his brother are fraternal twins and they don’t quite look alike. I am looking forward to the day when our twins are born and my dad and uncle hold them for a posterity picture.

And in case you’re wondering, we are expecting a boy and a girl. Many have expressed joy at this wonderful combination (if I get a dollar for every single time I hear the term 龙凤胎 uttered, I would have enough money – or more – to buy a month’s supply of diapers). As cliche as it sounds, the health and proper development of the twins are more important than their gender but I must admit that I was secretly relieved that I wouldn’t have to parent 3 boys.

We went from wanting a sibling for Elliott to having two siblings. This means our little family is growing from a one-child family to (gulp) three-children, plus 1 furry one. I don’t know if we’d ever be fully prepared for the arrival of the twins but we will take one day at a time. I never ever thought that one day, I’d be a mother of three but I guess that’s life. Always something unexpected at every turn.

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